Thursday, July 16, 2009

Life's a Bitch and Then You Cry

Half-glassed is just that. Half. I have claimed to all the world (well, Bloggyland) to be an amateur optimist. I still do. Until I receive my professional certification and accept any compensation as a paid endorser of optimism, however, I think I'm entitled to a little whining. And, even when I do join the pro optimist tour, la caca will still happen. And I'll deal with it. Hell, I'm trying be more positive, not achieve sainthood. So, I'll just say it: Today I feel like crap. I have some kind of summer cold/flu/bug-that-has-kicked-my-ass-and-makes-me-hurt-all-over. I feel guilty because I feel sick. And then I feel guilty for feeling guilty. I feel hot and sticky and nasty in Columbia, South Carolina (aka the other side of the screen door to Hell). I want to cry and I feel guilty for wanting to cry and I feel guilty for feeling guilty for wanting to cry (didn't I tell you I was raised Catholic?) and that really makes me want to cry. So I do. And it makes me feel better, just like sometimes nothing else can. I often (OK, almost always) hate what little control I seem to have over my tear ducts. And then, I hate even more the times when I need the release and I cannot summon a cleansing sob. And then there are times like these: When my whimpering, simpering, foe becomes my familiar weepy friend. I welcome her, knowing all she needs is to get it all out of her system, so I let her. We both know that everything will still be there when eyes are dry, and, let's be honest, the headache is worse. But, we also know that the clouds will seem a little less oppressive, the load a little bit lighter, and deep breaths a little easier to swallow. And the next step (...and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and, yes, the one after that...) a little easier to take.


  1. I don't even know what to say because anything I tried to say would simply be words on a page....I'm so sorry but the way you feel today - but I must confess I laughed TWICE at what you said:
    (1) LA ca ca!!
    (2) The other side to the screen door to hell. Very descriptive of the southern heat....I know it all too well living in Atlanta. But HEY...we can both rejoice in now being in Houston, Texas this month...hottest July on record. :-)

  2. Oh sister, you gotta breathe. The cold/flu can always knock you down. Sorry your under the weather today. I hope your on top tomorrow! Get some rest.

  3. You know what's great about this? Even though you think that the crying and whining is a sign of pessimism, the fact that you KNOW that it is all just a means to making through to the other side a stronger person, actually turns it into a somewhat optimistic experience! Weird how life works out huh? I sure hope you're feeling better soon. Hang in there SISTah, and don't forget how brave and strong you are. You can kick this slump in the ass!

  4. Somebody is looking down at heaven at you and saying "You are just like Dot, your bladder is behind your eyes!" It's genetic. I know of a poor woman who was sitting at her daughter's freshman orientation listening to the school's faculty give their insights and stories and she actually teared up 4 times in 1 1//2 hours. Tears are simply a release of emotions. They are not pessimism or feeling sorry for your self. They are just a way to let things out. So go ahead and have a good cry - it's the healthy thing to do. It's something that the woman at orientation needs to do!

  5. I hope you feel better soon! Take a bath in hand gel...well, not literally! Turn up the a/c and watch the train wreck of real housewives of fill in the blank or look at Jon Gosselin on the cover or people with his new girlfriend while he is still married and it will make you feel better. I promise!!


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