Friday, April 1, 2011

Stick With Me

"Do you need a new mission?" she asked me.

"What? No," I answered. "I don't think I can focus right now."

"But that's what your obsessive mind does: Focuses."

"I know." You think I don't know this, I wondered? I said, "And now it's only focusing on this."


She had a point.

So I told her she had a point.

I told her my immediate goal was to fix up my home. Make my home my home. I thought of the sharp pointed tips of staples, nails and tacks that would allow me to adorn my walls with pictures to be hung. Drapes to be draped. Pillows to be puffed. Sewn with my own two hands. With pins. And needles.

Pins and needles. Up my spine. (You say down? Good for you. Mine run up. Into my scalp, then make my hair feel like its growing. If it's a really good idea, my tummy clenches. Kinda like I'm gonna hurl. In a good way.)

But she had more than a point. She had the spinning wheel needle with the single drop of Sleeping (or in this case, Crying) Beauty's blood and I was a warrior princess dressed in college-rule-lined sheets of fresh paper. She had a point the equivalent of a bright shiny No. 2 pencil.

But I didn't realize that until later. Just like I didn't realize that I didn't need a new mission.

Well, hell.

I thought my story was about fighting cancer.

Turns out it was about living life.

Who knew?

And the above conversation was two months ago, during which I've been having a hell of a time with my mission — the first of which was to get this post (which I wrote the same day) up.

Turns out living life right now is a hell of a lot like treading water. I've gone under, swallowed chlorine (lots), lost a contact lens (or two) and even had my ass kicked by one hell of an undertow when I jumped headfirst into a wave.

So pardon me while I've taken my time figuring out that's all I've got right now — time.

Or is that I don't have nearly enough?

That's the beauty of being me, procrastiperfectionator extraordinaire. It may take time, but I always, somehow, eventually, often painfully, but ultimately joyfully, get the right answer.


  1. I'm so very glad you are back here in the blog world! I've missed you my friend. I'd see your blog title on my roll, making it's way to the bottom, where people fade away from posting... but now you're back on top! I was giving you time. Sounds like you needed it, and still do. But you are so right! It's about LIVING LIFE. Fighting cancer is just a way to stay doing exactly that. I live everyday (give or take a day off ;-) as if I need to get as much done as I can. Your life is a gift... surround yourself with beauty that inspires you. Where are you? I'd love to help you fix up your place, you know I love doing that! That's my thing. I think maybe your's is wring... so write everyday. Happy or sad thoughts, but don't dwell, move on. Live your life for both of you.
    Welcome back! xoxo

  2. Yippee you are Back! Keep writing and sharing your wisdom with us.


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