No-o-o-o-o-o. It's not white wine. But it was after a wee glass of Riesling, and a very short (that's all it took; he's that good) conversation with Mr. J, that I quickly was reminded of what's gotten us this far.
Faith. Gratitude. Love.
And strength.
I also lost sight of the founding tenet of life here in Halfglassistan: gratitude. I'm grateful for how far we've come. I'm grateful that throughout this whole journey,we've been able to say, "It could always (always) be worse." I'm grateful that every time we said that, it actually was true. I'm grateful that now, more than ever, it actually is still true. It's easy to see how much better things could be. It takes strength to see how good they actually are.
Perhaps worst of all, I lost sight of the fundamental core of Team Wedding. When Mr. J and I were first dating and low on funds, he turned to me and said, "That's OK. We'll live on love, baby." I think, at the time, it may have been said half (or wholly) in jest. The original intent doesn't matter. Twelve years later, and I've never forgotten the sound of his voice saying it.
That's my missing ingredient. It's not in the recipe, it's not on the shopping list, it's not in any freakin' store -- and it sure as hell isn't in Riesling. I couldn't find it anywhere I looked, because it wasn't hidden. It never has been. We eat it, we drink it, we breathe it.
We live on love, baby. We live on love.
It sure can be rough at times. I do think, as much as I have my health troubles, there are so many people facing worse times. Not that that makes me feel better, but it makes me feel blessed. It makes me feel stronger, and shuts down the pity party. Yes, you must keep faith, you must be positive, you can't survive any other way. You must talk to each other, about the truths of cancer. There are no promises except to stay strong and fight. Fight off those fears. I just want to be here, here for my husband, my girls and my soon-to-be-born grandbaby. I know I would be safe, but the grief I'd be leaving them with is my greatest fear. So I pray everyday for strength, to be cancer free, and to be here for my family. And while I am here, I make the most of my time everyday, I make the most of my love. Stay strong friend. My prayers are with you, you are not alone in your fight. Keep the Faith, Gratitude, Love and Strength baby!
ReplyDeleteYour blog banner is so darling btw...Cancer definitely makes you realize that things can and for a lot of people ARE worse! Years ago I would have complained about the silliest things. Not anymore. I can have major pain and gross complications from my radiation damage and I just deal with it. I'm alive and here for my children and that is what I focus on. LIVESTRONG.
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